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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299809">Meditation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/catrasredemption'>catrasredemption (dimensionhoppingrose)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Here We Are (after the war) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Brainwashing, F/F, Flashbacks, Horde Prime style, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Perfuma trying to teach Catra healthy coping habits, Season 5 Spoilers, but just a lil, eugh, small cameos by others</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:13:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensionhoppingrose/pseuds/catrasredemption</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Catra slumped over, resting her chin in her hand. “No.” Perfuma waited. They had done this before. Ten times this month and five the month before, all sitting in this meadow for two hours while Catra struggled to find some sort of balance that would allow her to meditate peacefully. They were still working on that part. They <em>had</em>, on the other hand, made great progress with Catra talking about things. Perfuma had learned early on not to push — it was easier to sit in silence and wait for Catra to give in. For all she liked to brood around, she wasn’t actually very good at staying quiet.</p><p>* * * *</p><p>Catra has good reasons not to enjoy sitting still. Or being quiet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Perfuma (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Here We Are (after the war) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2268614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Finished111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Meditation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah so... look here's a thing lol.</p><p>I've never actually written She-Ra fanfic before so this should certainly be interesting!</p><p>I know "Catra is traumatized af" isn't exactly original, but this is exactly my brand of hurt/comfort and I couldn't pass up the opportunity.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re twitching.”</p><p>“I am <em>not</em>.”</p><p>Perfuma opened one eye and reached out, tapping Catra’s tail. It twitched again, as did her nose. “Fine, I’m twitching. Can you blame me?”</p><p>“Well this <em>is</em> only the tenth time we’ve done this in the last month…”</p><p>Catra opened both eyes to stare at Perfuma. “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Princess.”</p><p>“It’s not sarcasm, simply stating a fact.” Perfuma opened her other eye, relaxing. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Catra slumped over, resting her chin in her hand. “No.” Perfuma waited. They had done this before. Ten times this month and five the month before, all sitting in this meadow for two hours while Catra struggled to find some sort of balance that would allow her to meditate peacefully. They were still working on that part. They <em>had</em>, on the other hand, made great progress with Catra talking about things. Perfuma had learned early on not to push — it was easier to sit in silence and wait for Catra to give in. For all she liked to brood around, she wasn’t actually very good at staying quiet.</p><p>Catra shifted uncomfortably, huffing. “<em>Fine</em>. I’ve been having nightmares. Again. For like, the last week. Non-stop. I almost gave Adora a black eye the other night.”</p><p>“That sounds like a problem.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s lost me a lot of leverage over her sleep thrashing since, you know, she’s never actually hurt me.”</p><p>“And of course having leverage over your partner is the most important part of a relationship.”</p><p>Catra groaned, running a hand through her hair. Her annoyingly short hair. Wasn’t it supposed to grow faster than this? Maybe that junk Horde Prime had used to slick it back had killed it. “I don’t mean it like <em>that</em>. I just want the stupid dreams to stop. Aren’t things supposed to be <em>better</em> now?”</p><p>“They <em>are</em> better,” Perfuma pointed out.</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“Yes. For one thing, you’re actually talking to me instead of shutting down and waiting for me to say you can go home.” Okay, Catra had to give her that. “You’ve made a <em>lot</em> of progress, Catra. Focus on that for a minute instead of dwelling on the negatives.”</p><p>Catra thought about it for a moment, then sighed, straightening up. “All right. Let’s try again.”</p><p>Perfuma smiled, closing her eyes. Catra did the same, hands resting in her lap. Deep breath. Find something calm to focus on. Perfuma chose the <em>ground</em>, but that was easy for her, wasn’t it? They didn’t all have a magical connection to—</p><p><em>Slow down</em>, Catra reprimanded herself. She took another breath. The spiral of thoughts was always her downfall when it came to this. One thing led to another, and suddenly she couldn’t sit still.</p><p>Start over. Try to focus on something. It could be a physical sensation, like the grass under her feet. Or a sound, like the birds chirping in the distance. Perfuma said she chose this meadow specifically because there was a plethora of options for focus. The point was to get out of her head, to stop thinking, to slow her mind down. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? She couldn’t stop thinking. It felt like her thoughts were changing every few seconds. The grass tickled her fur. The wind ruffled her hair. The birds sang, making her ears twitch, her tail thumped against the ground…</p><p>“Catra.”</p><p>And the bottle overflowed. “Argh!” Catra shot up, agitated, and started pacing the field. Perfuma sighed, opening her eyes and tracking Catra’s movements. “I can’t do this! I can’t just <em>stop thinking</em>! I don’t know how to turn off my brain!”</p><p>Perfuma stayed silent, watching Catra walk around. Her tail was whipping about, ears twitching furiously. She was getting overwhelmed. “I <em>can’t</em>, I’m not — I’m not <em>wired</em> like that! I can’t just <em>focus</em> on something, I need to <em>do</em> something. Sitting around is the <em>worst</em>.”</p><p>It took her ten minutes to wear herself out, and another five to actually admit she was tired of pacing and flop down next to Perfuma, burying her face in her hands. Perfuma frowned lightly, trying to think. They had made progress with communication, but <em>calm</em> was still evading Catra, and clearly this method wasn’t working.</p><p><em>Oh</em>. “I have an idea,” she said brightly. Catra looked up, raising an eyebrow. A small root grew out of the ground next to her foot, tapping against a toe. She jumped. “You’re having trouble focusing, right? I can share a little of the plant life with you. Not a lot,” she added quickly, seeing the look on Catra’s face. She still wasn’t the biggest fan of magic (although she thought she deserved a little credit considering where she had started on magic and princesses). “Just a little bit of energy. Something for you to feel.”</p><p>Catra looked warily at the root, then at Perfuma. “What’ve I got to lose, I guess. You’re sure my foot isn’t going to turn green?”</p><p>Perfuma giggled, waving a hand; the root wrapped gently around her foot. “I promise. It won’t even leave a mark. Are you ready?”</p><p><em>No</em>. “Yeah. Hit it.”</p><p>The princess closed her eyes, resuming her meditation position once more. The root pulsed slightly; Catra jumped, then relaxed when she felt the energy. Plants really <em>were</em> peaceful. No wonder Perfuma spent all day fluttering around. It was like being high.</p><p>Okay. Catra took a deep breath, closing her eyes as well. It felt a little different this time. The energy swirled and buzzed around, up her leg, to her chest. Her racing heart slowed just slightly, stamping down on the twitchiness and anxiety. She felt like she could breathe easier. It was nice.</p><p>And then the black faded to green.</p><p>“<em>Prime casts out all shadows.</em>”</p><p>Catra’s eyes snapped open. She tried to gasp, and inhaled the green liquid. Her arms and legs thrashed about, trying to find <em>something</em> kick or punch, but she was completely submerged, held under by hands on the back of her neck.</p><p>“<em>Catraaaaaa</em>.”</p><p>A terrible screech jerked Perfuma back to reality; she turned quickly, and saw Catra shoving away, crawling backward. Her eyes were wide, pupils narrowed to little pin pricks.</p><p>“Catra—”</p><p>She was pulled out of the liquid, the hand still holding her as she gasped and coughed up the green sludge. Everything was blurry. She couldn’t focus. Why couldn’t she focus? She could make out shapes around her, all in the same shades of white and black. The hand holding her neck shifted to grip her by the hair. Something sharp dug into her skin.</p><p>“No, let go, lemme go!”</p><p>Perfuma watched helplessly as Catra curled in on herself, hands clasped firmly on either side of her head.</p><p>“Catra, please.” Perfuma carefully crawled closer, hand out, but not touching Catra. Adora had quietly warned all of them against touching in a situation like this. Catra’s first instinct was always to lash out. They’d seen the bandages on the blonde’s arms and resisted asking questions. “Catra, you’re safe, I <em>promise</em>. Nothing is going to hurt you.”</p><p>Her voice didn’t reach through the void. Catra’s mind was flooded with voices, with whispers, with <em>images</em>. A million different view points, including all the different ones looking down at her frail, broken body. She was shivering as the chip was pressed deeper into her neck.</p><p>“<em>Prime casts out all shadows.</em>”</p><p>
  <em>There there, little sister. Isn’t this better?</em>
</p><p>“<em>Get out of my head—!”</em></p><p>Cold water doused her entire body; she yelped, jumping back, and finally unraveled. Her eyes darted back and forth, chest heaving, looking for the threat, for the danger, for…</p><p>Her gaze finally landed on Perfuma, who was on her knees, both hands up as if in surrender. Next to her was a large root holding an empty bucket.</p><p>“D-Did you just dump a bucket of water on me?” Catra <em>wanted </em>to sound angry and indignant, but air had become a luxury as she tried desperately to fill her lungs.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Perfuma said quickly. “Adora told us not to touch you if you had a panic attack or flashback. Netossa said water would probably be the best way to bring you back. I’ve been keeping a bucket nearby just in case…”</p><p>Again, Catra wanted to be angry, but a small part of her had to acknowledge that it was a <em>good</em> strategy. Damn Netossa and her stupid notes.</p><p>“Catra?” She looked back at Perfuma. She didn’t remember ever looking away. “Can… Can I touch you now?”</p><p>Catra hesitated before nodding. Perfuma’s hand was small and gentle and warm on her soaking wet shoulder. “I…” She shuddered, took a breath, and tried again. “I don’t think I wanna try meditating anymore.”</p><p>“Right,” Perfuma said quietly. “Of course.”</p><p>She put her other hand on Catra’s shoulder, and then waited for a moment before pulling her into a hug. Catra froze, just breathing, then wrapped her arms around Perfuma, clinging to her like she was lifeline.</p><p>If she thought too hard about it, she could still feel the green goop in her lungs. She shivered and held tighter.</p>
<hr/><p>“You know how it is, one minute you’re enjoying a nice drink, the next you’re netting a man and booking it out of the bar before the bartender can kick you out…”</p><p>It was always fun when Netossa and Spinnerella visited. Catra and Perfuma were off connecting with nature (or whatever they did; Adora still wasn’t completely sure, and she had a feeling Catra didn’t get it, either), and listening to Netossa’s stories was a nice distraction from the gnawing worry. Adora still wasn’t doing great with letting Catra out of her sight. She was trying to get better. In a way, it was therapy for both of them.</p><p>“Did he <em>really</em> deserve to be tied up?” Glimmer asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“It was tie him up <em>before</em> he tried anything, or have a body to deal with after.”</p><p>The sitting room door squeaked slightly as it opened. Adora was leaning forward to grab another cookie, not paying attention until she saw Bow’s and Glimmer’s expressions. That had her up and looking around.</p><p><em>Oh</em>.</p><p>Catra was pale and trembling, arms wrapped around herself. She went straight for the couch, sat down next to Adora, curled up, leaned against her girlfriend, and pressed her face into her knees. Perfuma was watching her with wide eyes and a worried expression.</p><p>“Why… are you soaking wet?” Stupid, stupid Adora. How was <em>that</em> the first thing she asked?</p><p>“Perfuma dumped a bucket of water on me.” Catra’s voice was muffled. “Thanks, Netossa.”</p><p>Netossa blinked a few times, then looked at Perfuma. “I said <em>spray bottle</em>. Not <em>bucket</em>.”</p><p>Glimmer disappeared in a shimmer of lights, returning a moment later with a blanket. Adora wrapped herself and Catra in it, hugging Catra close as she shrunk and nearly disappeared into the blanket. “Do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The princesses and Bow exchanged uncertain glances. “Should we uh…”</p><p>“Just keep doing whatever you were doing,” Catra mumbled into her knees. “Please.”</p><p>A look went around the group before Netossa resumed her story. “Like I was saying, he was definitely trying to cop a feel, <em>and</em> I saw him trying to slip something into Spinny’s drink. I feel perfectly justified in tying him up.”</p><p>“I don’t think it was it was the tying up they objected to so much as tossing him into the wall, my dear,” Spinnerella informed her wife with a small smile.</p><p>“Yeah, well. Whatever. Maybe I knocked some common decency into him.”</p><p>Adora slid down to join Catra in the blanket, leaning in to murmur, “Do you want to lie down for a bit?” Catra shook her head once. Adora felt helpless. She hated feeling helpless. “What can I do?”</p><p>“Just… Just be here.” Catra’s voice broke slightly. “Please.”</p><p>“I’m always here. You know that.”</p><p>“Then you’re doing enough.”</p><p>And that was that. Catra leaned into her and refused to speak again. She just listened to Netossa’s and Spinnerella’s stories until she stopped shaking, and exhaustion took hold. She was always tired after a panic attack. Apparently emotional distress really wore a person out.</p><p>Adora half-listened to Netossa, but mostly kept a close eye on Catra. She watched as the tension drained, bit by bit, from Catra’s body until she finally relaxed, stilled, and fell asleep. She waited until she was sure Catra was deeply under before looking at Perfuma.</p><p>“What happened?” She kept her voice quiet.</p><p>Perfuma shook her head. “I… I think it was my fault. We were trying to meditate again, and you know how she can’t sit still—” That was the understatement of the century, “and I thought maybe… maybe letting her feel a little bit of what I feel when I meditate would help.”</p><p>“You used magic on her?”</p><p>“Just a little! And I asked first. I was trying to share peaceful energy with her. I didn’t think it would scare her.”</p><p>Adora shook her head, running her fingers through Catra’s hair. “It’s a great idea, actually. Probably worked a little too well. You made it easier for her to relax, and…” And her mind had decided it would be a good time to turn on itself. “Why the bucket of water?”</p><p>“<em>I said spray bottle</em>!” Netossa hissed.</p><p>“You told us not touch her if something happened,” Glimmer filled in the blanks. “Netossa suggested water to snap her out of it.”</p><p>“Do you think she’s mad?” Perfuma asked nervously.</p><p>“Probably.” Adora smiled slightly despite herself. “But she’ll get passed that eventually and be surprised you guys thought of another way to get through to her. Maybe don’t use a bucket again, though.”</p><p>“I said spray bottle!”</p>
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